I belong to a Facebook group for parents of students at my daughter’s university. Although we had already gone through this post-high school stage with our son, we hadn’t been as involved. Being the firstborn and having so many different social groups, his transition was pretty seamless. Sure, he needed our support first year (and during later years, unscrupulous landlord, advice, all that…). But it was helpful that a bunch of his friends attended the same university. Even the same program, and we were very good friends with the parents.

Both hubs and I had instilled the idea of going away to university in both the kids. I had stayed home. I saved some money, but I didn’t feel a part of the university as a commuter kid. I often feel that I had missed out. I remember it being a very stressful time even though I was living at home. My parents stressed me out, but that’s a story for another day.

After doing her online research and going on a campus tour, she made her choice. She knew no one in her program. She didn’t know anyone going to the same school before or with her. She has always been independent that way. Didn’t matter where her friends were going – she wasn’t even sure where they were when we asked! So peer pressure not so much of a thing. She made this decision. This was after spending a couple of years in virtual high school from her bedroom during COVID. There’s a whole cohort of kids affected by these unusual pandemic circumstances.

We leaned in to be on alert and mindful of her mental health (and that of both our kids). University life is stressful. And coming at a time with changing bodies, increased societal expectations and the weight of impending adulthood. It is a lot.

Many other parents are together with us in this group, trying to navigate this world together from afar. We received a lot of great advice and support beyond the first year. I still get notifications from the group and offer advice when I can. We are thankful that she has settled in well. She has made some very good friends and she loves her roommates. She is naturally introverted and a homebody, but learning to advocate for herself and enjoying her studies.

This past weekend some parents posted about students in a certain residence receiving emails about happenings. About seeing medical personnel in the vicinity. Very concerning emails.

I woke up this morning to a post linked to a notice on the university website. A heartbreaking update, about the passing of a student in that residence. The university is mourning and has made counseling services available for students. She was likely in first year, as residence is typically only available for those first years away from home. I was brought to tears when I read about it. It’s a parent’s worst nightmare, I can’t imagine how awful this is for her parents, family, and friends. And how awful it must have been for her.

I texted my daughter about it this morning. I’d just brought her to the bus yesterday for her trip back to school. She’d been talking about the news with her roommates – news must have spread very quickly on campus. I needed to check in on her. I wanted to make sure she knows that she is loved. We are here for her about anything and everything. Being here for her . And I can’t wait to give her a huge hug and kiss again.