We recently took a short trip to a resort not far from us, for a change of scenery.
It was during the week, so not so busy. There were a few families, a few couples, and fairly expansive grounds with a couple of pools, a tennis court, a small beach with water activities. We weren’t there for the activity, other than staying by the pool -one of the draws was the restaurant that had a reputation for good food.
We had breakfast the first morning on the upper deck of the restaurant. It was lovely out, sunny but not sweltering; only a few tables were occupied. A family (father, mom, daughter and son) seated a few tables behind me. Another table where a young couple was seated, on the other side behind my husband.
After the server brought our waters and had taken our order, I felt the floor tremble beneath me – and noted that the water in our glasses vibrated, along with the petals of the flowers in the planters next to us. What was that? And then it stopped. I asked my husband if he felt it and he did. Then it started up again – to the point that it felt like I was sitting on a massage chair. I felt a little nauseous. But then the water stood still again. No trembling.
“I think someone is shaking their legs” said my husband. It made sense- so I looked around to see who the guilty party was . And then I saw it. The father at the table behind me, had BOTH legs shaking under his table, while he was on his phone. He put the phone down and his legs stopped shaking. His kids and wife were busy eating.
“It’s him!” I whisper yelled at my husband. “Yup” he replied. Ugh. Now that I noticed it, I couldn’t not feel it anymore.
“I double dog dare you to go over and ask the guy to stop shaking his leg.” my husband said to me with a smile.
“Oh, I would, if I had a glass of wine I soooo would. But it’s 10 AM and I want my coffee! I laughed back.
“I triple dog dare you to ask our server to go over and ask that Dad to stop shaking his legs”.
At that point, we were giggling like a pair of kids. I was able to focus on our food when it came. We chose to try to ignore it. Thankfully I was able to eat my food; I think it settled my nausea.
So I ask you – WWYD? (or would have done?)
*****
Later that evening, we were eating inside, not on the deck of the restaurant. We’d spent most of the day outside – and the outside was packed anyway. It was nice to be inside.
I happened to look out the window at a couple seated outside.
The fellow was shaking his leg. A different guy.
“What is going on?” I couldn’t help it. I ordered a gin and tonic.
“Why don’t people just leave us alone?” laughed my husband.
During a recent morning walk, I sat for a bit at the recently renovated community park. It’s lovely with playground and splash pad. When our kids were young we spent many summers spending hours in other neighborhoods. They’d laugh, squeal even, splash, run back and forth for their drinks, munch on treats that I’d have packed -another spray or two of sunscreen before racing back into the cold water.
Oh, the wonder of childhood. Of scooters, skateboards, giggles in the wind, of Spiderman.
My kids wore the pyjamas, sweatshirts, socks , loot bag wallets, all that Marvel branding now has elevated the gear -calendars, blankets. My daughter still has a healthy obsession “Spiderman 5” is it?
We were very happy when this park finally opened. Other families from other neighborhoods are now coming here, infusing some childhood back into our community. Which is going through another cycle.
We moved into this community when I was expecting our first born. That newborn now lives thousands of miles away. This little scooter moment? Oh my heart.
(This was a couple of mornings ago before the air quality to really bad…)
Another morning walk. I’d like to become a creature of habit.
I’m mostly remote in my new job but the irony is that I’m still up early as if to commute. It’s probably better for my sleep at any rate and it does give me some extra time in the morning.
So I walk -now without my precious Cody-I do really miss him during these moments. He was my constant companion the last time I was working 100 percent remotely.
We would go out first thing and round the block like clock work. Once back at home I’d settle with my coffee in hand and snuggle with him a little before he settled onto the shaggy brown rug-his chosen station as my office manager. He loved his ottoman too.
He’s been gone over a year now.
But as the sun looks over us I know there likely is another dog era for us. When the timing is right -and it never is perfectly aligned. I feel it’s in the cards though.
After all, my son just adopted a dog in LA-so now I guess I’m a grandma (yikes!!) to a little sweetie named Roxie.
I’m dying to post a pic -but I have to ask her parents first!
Wildfire smoke is blanketing Toronto so the air quality is the second worst in the world today.
This is down from number 1 yesterday – we were THE worst in the world yesterday.
There are about 180 wildfires in Ontario right now. The air quality is one thing, but the devastation for the community and the people, and those poor animals. I noted on Facebook a call out for fosters for dogs that have been affected by the fires. I wish we were in a position to foster; the good news is that these organizations were flooded with applications.
So it’s smokin’ hot for all the wrong reasons right now.
I took a walk this morning; it’s a new habit I’d like to establish. I was up at 6 am, puttering about with the best of intentions to get out the door by 6:30 (for best sleep supposed to get into the sun within 15 minutes of waking right ? Reset the melatonin? Anyone else having sleep issues? ) I started decluttering my closet while in there getting dressed-I have way too much and need to get my wardrobe organized (more on that later…) and before I knew it, it was 6:45 and I just managed to get the coffee on. Out the door at 7.
Once outside I took a deep breath; listened to the robins, took a look around and did not put my airbuds in. I usually listen to podcasts or audiobooks while I walk . But this morning I wanted to start anew. In fact, part of me thought I should leave my phone at home. But practically speaking, on the off chance that others would wake up wondering where I was (“where’s Mom?”)…it made sense to pocket it.
So glad I did.
It was a short walk, a block that took about 15 minutes. Just to get a few steps in, loosen up a bit (I did weights last evening and am still sore from a body pump session from Friday …ugh). But as I rounded the corner back toward home, I glanced down and I saw this little guy-fully intact, no one had crushed it! Slowly making its way across the sidewalk.
I took a video. And then a picture. Not much difference between the two.
Perhaps that’s the point.
Life has been going at a faster rate lately-I’ll get you all caught up in another post. It’s been going well, just fast. I wanted faster; that’s a big reason for the change I made recently.
This snail was a reminder.
Slow can be also be good. Slow gives you time to think and cherish.
Minha is a young woman in the late 1800’s, with a special gift. The daughter of a prostitute and Indian spice merchant, she is initially raised in London by her mother until she is of an age where she can no longer be hidden; she is brought to her grandparents’ house outside of London. It is not an easy existence being of darker skin, but she shares a special relationship with her grandfather, who exposes her to his garden. Because of him and his teachings, she discovers her gift of taste. She can smell individual ingredients and her time with him is almost idyllic, until her grandfather passes. Immediately upn his death, she feels rejected by her grandmother and feels forced to leave, eventually making her way to France.
While in France, she finds her way into a household where she becomes the official poison taster for the duc of a Chateau; still ostracized by the household staff, she finds peace in the stables where she stumbles upon a man who she helps nurse to health. Given all her struggles so far, it seems too good to be true that she starts having feelings for this man that seem could be reciprocated. And things are not good, as Minha’s troubles get worse.
I won’t go further into the plot, which takes us through twists and turns, with the timeline accelerating from months to years in a few chapters. The book started out strong for me, but then it moved quickly into many plot twists; initially I enjoyed the great description of the food and tastes. But then it seems that plot elements are thrown in, rather than allowing the reader to enjoy more sensory aspects. The special focus on taste was what drew me to the book to begin with.
This is a 2.5 up to a 3 star rating for me. Thank you to NetGalley and Berkley publishing group for an ARC in exchange for a book review.
He’s over 1200 kilometres away on a bachelor’s party weekend, taking advantage of living in the US. Exciting times for him, but I do miss him. He sent us a picture of the cake that his friends got him – chocolate oreo, oozing with sweetness.
Here’s one of the earliest birthday cakes that we got him – seems like it was just yesterday.
***
My daughter is dogsitting for her roommate – she’s actually lived with her the last 3 years away at school- such a beautiful dog, an Australian shepherd. So well behaved, and yes, she’s making us think that another dog might be in the cards for us. But not just yet…
***
We had our neighbourhood ladies book club this past week – but we didn’t read a book. We just went out for sushi. And got caught up on life since last month. Seems everyone is planning some trip, including yours truly.
Honestly, it was nice not to feel the pressure to read another book, not necessarily of my choosing. I’ve been catching up other reading and need to get back to planning.
***
Another neighbourhood dinner tonight, just.a walk away. Pretty lucky that we have friends who are close!
Elizabeth Zhang, your stereotypical overachieving Chinese- American female student is obsessed with getting into Harvard Law School. She is a senior at Columbia university in New York, 3.9 GPA, she runs her life based on analytics and what percentile she places, and is judgemental to the core.
The unthinkable happens – Elizabeth does not get into Harvard Law. She finds out that her classmate, Laura Kim, a seemingly entitled Korean student, the model immigrant who is originally destined for a career in banking, does get a spot in Harvard Law. Elizabeth wants to get to the bottom of it and visit admissions — where she is told that those schools need something more from the students who apply, something exceptional, even for Asian students. This is where Elizabeth lands on not wanting to be a “Boring Asian Female”, needing to find a story for her next Harvard application.
The story unravels from there, as Elizabeth becomes further obsessed with trying to get into Harvard. She begins to mimic Laura, stalking her, becoming more reckless in trying to take Laura down. I initially felt some empathy for her, having grown up in an Asian family, where prestige is paramount, and the heavy weight of expectations to achieve greatness a constant – even if expectations were self-imposed. It seems the same in Elizabeth’s case, as her single mother appears more forgiving a figure.
Without spoilers, Elizabeth’s actions spiral in horrible ways, her thinking warped by this obsession with Harvard. Everything she does relates to creating the downfall of Laura Kim, so that Elizabeth can take this coveted spot she feels she is more deserving of.
An unreliable, increasingly hateful character, at some points her reactions and thoughts were ridiculous, laughable – satirical. By the end, I could not stand Elizabeth. I think that was the point. However, I couldn’t put the book down, I had to know how it would end! Although I don’t know if I was super satisfied with the ending. Super quick read, I finished it in a few days. Great debut. Thanks to the author, Penguin Random house and Netgalley for an advanced reader copy in exchange for a review.
It’s not that I haven’t had stuff to blog about, it’s the time. I need to get some of my creative mojo back.
What have I been up to ? What have you been up to?
Concert of the year so far…Gary Numan. Remember him? The OG of synth, 80’s legend. He was pretty magnetic at the Concert hall a few weeks ago.
We’d been wanting to see him live for a number of years as he does include Toronto on his tours. His vibe is quite a bit heavier, more industrial these days. I wasn’t expecting Nine Inch Nails – but keeping it fresh means evolving with the times, I suppose. He did play his classics though, Cars and Friends Electric. Surprisingly – for me, at least – it was a very male audience (you can always tell by the lineup for the washrooms – it was almost Rush concert-like!)
***
The birds were singing this morning. It sounds like spring!
I still struggle with sleep, so I bit the bullet and asked my doctor for some prescription help. The melatonin/ ashawanga, off the shelf options are not doing it for me anymore unfortunately. But it shouldn’t be a long term solution. She suggested good sleep hygiene and even CBT. I’ve checked a lot of the boxes with sleep hygiene but the ipad use is still a work in progress. This is hard as the reading in bed thing is something I find relaxing.
My friend suggested I try a reset for my cirrcadian rhythm based on info from Dr. Andrew Huberman, all around sunlight at the beginning of the day and then at sunset. Exposure of the eye/ retina to sunlight, behind the glass from inside, is just not good enough. Worth a try, especially now that the weather is getting much better and I can spend five minutes outside. I let the sounds of the birds chirping waft over me while I gazed through the trees at the early morning sun peeking back at me at 6:43 am. Another tip – consistency of wake and sleep times, weekends notwithstanding.
He’s a pretty cool guy, this Dr. Huberman. I love science-based content. The latest podcast talks about emotion science and AWE. The shift from small to huge – embracing that in the everyday. I want to experience more AWE in my everyday life.
***
Are you on Substack? I know it started out primarily as a space for writers.. I signed up a few years thinking it might be a blog space with WordPress and another way to connect with writers. I’ve signed up to several newsletters. It’s since exploded to become more of an experience with subscriptions, and a marketing opportunity. There’s so much nowadays– IG, Facebook, Threads, substack… I think they can all connect but it’s hurting my head a bit thinking about how I could pull it all together.
***
Speaking of writing, I have done absolutely nothing related to my memoir project. My colleagues have progressed a fair bit though, and I feel so privileged to be a part of their process. One is even close to publishing! I have the beginnings of another chapter in mind, after having watched a couple of films related to fathers and daughters – Aftersun and Sentimental Value. I miss my Dad – he’s been gone 17 years – but it was sometimes complicated with him.
***
To file under “first world problems, annoying but still kind of hilarious”
Exhibit A :I’ve been having major issues with my garage door opener. I’d had it set up as a signal from my car, but that started failing almost a year ago – so I switched to old school remote, which worked for a little bit, but stopped.. and then for months I fiddled with both the remote, the keypad, replacing the remote batteries, putting the remote next to the keyboard… all of those things worked for a time but failed. The latest hack, I drive up as close as possible to the garage door, until my car screams at me, then I hit the remote.
So what happens if it doesn’t work – just pull up a little closer right? Ahem. Too close and your licence plate will catch the garage door on the way up and scrape, rattle and rumble! Headsmack.
Well at least everything is plastic. No major harm done.
Exhibit B: We haven’t had a working oven since February. With just the two of us, an Air Fryer will do. I don’t bake. But my daughter does – “what’s with the oven? when are we getting a new one?” It’s in her DNA and she’s got a major sweet tooth- banana bread, cookies, cupcakes …Frankly it’s been easier on our waistline without her baking, but it has been almost 3 months. Our Kitchenaid is also from 2007 so it’s time for a new one.
A stove is a stove right? Let’s get a new Kitchenaid and slide it in – how difficult can it be? After months of research, we landed on the right model and just in case, he measured our counter top – turns out the new versions don’t have that extra lip that had an overhang that we had to fill with extra countertop. So they all stick out now! We had to find a guy to remove that extra piece to accommodate the new models. $550 later (he does this over 100 times a year apparently) … we are good to go.
***
My daughter’s boyfriend is visiting, he brought his tortoise, as his apartment is being fumigated. He met my Mom for the first time, my daughter took him with her for Dim Sum. First time he’s had dim sum. My Mom really likes him – I told him he passed. He is a nice young man.
They are now back home giving the tortoise a bath. I know, very random.
***
I’ve been watching Keane on Youtube in the background while I blog, here’s a taste..
Off to get a new Kitchenaid, and get out on a hike for Vitamin D, and more reading.
An unnamed author, a writer in her 60s, reflects on her teenage years growing up in a town in Norway. She focusses on a particular time in her life, at 16, when as most 16 year olds, she was looking to expand socially, see life beyond homework, beyond just hanging out with girfriends, discovering boys and partying.
She was the eldest daughter, the second born of six children, and yet her mother was obsessively watching only her, wanting to know her every move, criticizing her, warning her of the perils of drinking, alcohol, sex. All the things that the author was drawn to do, even though she was a very dutiful daughter…the author was driven to telling lies so she could do these regular things with her teen friends (under the guise of homework). She was more drawn to those activities likely because her mother was so vehemently opposed. Her father, a very distant figure, the breadwinner of the family, would always tell her mother to leave her well enough alone. Likely more for his sake, so he wouldn’t have to continually listen to the drama. Such an oppressive household, but interesting that the mother is so different with her younger siblings.
The repetition is in the description of her daily life, a teen’s life, going to school, meeting her friends, discovering makeup, burgeoning interest in boys – it seems quite a regular adolescent existence. Almost mundane. What is irregular is her mother’s attitude, hovering, fearful for her daughter.
As a reader, you are lulled not into boredom, it’s quiet, this seemingly normal life of a typical teen. There were some great details in the descriptions, placing you right there in the house parties, while she went for her little date with her first boyfriend, many of the passages seemed like they were pages from a diary, that the author was that teen girl, rather than recalling the events over 40 years later.
I sensed a latent darkness, wondered if there was something to be revealed. At the climactic event, when things take a turn, you are hit with a gut punch. The ending in incredibly healing.
An effective memoir-like novel. I read somewhere that this category is known as “auto-fiction” – not quite autobiography, some basis in fiction. A short read, I finished it in a day. Because it was so ordinary and extraordinary at the same time, it will sit with me for a while. A solid 4 star read. Thanks to Netgalley, Verso publishing and the author for an ARC for review.
At a time 
Here comes the sun
(This was a couple of mornings ago before the air quality to really bad…)
Another morning walk. I’d like to become a creature of habit.
I’m mostly remote in my new job but the irony is that I’m still up early as if to commute. It’s probably better for my sleep at any rate and it does give me some extra time in the morning.
So I walk -now without my precious Cody-I do really miss him during these moments. He was my constant companion the last time I was working 100 percent remotely.
We would go out first thing and round the block like clock work. Once back at home I’d settle with my coffee in hand and snuggle with him a little before he settled onto the shaggy brown rug-his chosen station as my office manager. He loved his ottoman too.
He’s been gone over a year now.
But as the sun looks over us I know there likely is another dog era for us. When the timing is right -and it never is perfectly aligned. I feel it’s in the cards though.
After all, my son just adopted a dog in LA-so now I guess I’m a grandma (yikes!!) to a little sweetie named Roxie.
I’m dying to post a pic -but I have to ask her parents first!