At a time

“I’m not going this year.  I can go next. I don’t really feel like it” . about the semi formal at school this year.  Her friends are going but she’s not feeling it this year.

“Mama stop looking!” as I fuss over the pimples that have cropped up on her nose.  (I’m sensitized to this as I was the class resident Rudolph when I was 13 years old)

“I’m good, I still have lunch money from last week”…

“I don’t have homework tonight but I’ll work on assignments due later this term…”

” I love gym class – I did so many situps in a minute, and volleyball was so much fun! Can we buy a volleyball?”

Her mid term report card is great.  She loves school, she loves her friends, she loves her weekends, she loves and misses her brother … but she wears an article of his clothing everyday.

This self-assured girl has only missed 3 days of this school year so far due to legitimate sickness.  Legitimate meaning knock-out cold and fever.  By this time in elementary, she would have missed at least 3 times that the number of days, for stomachaches, for “I don’t know why but I feel bad”, for “just because”.  For anxiety.

This trajectory is amazing.  Her growing self-confidence and maturity are coming to the forefront.  The attitude of a teen is there but understandable and while sometimes annoying (Mom can’t catch a break on the criticism sometimes) … she’s being a teen.

A teen who communicates, a teen who will create lairs throughout the house, who litters her floor with laundry, who gets tummy aches from too many Halloween treats, who forgets to put dishes in the dishwasher, who hums BTS tunes when she thinks no one is listening.

My wondrous teen girl.  I am loving the transformation.

I’ve adjusted fairly well these early months of having my first child away at university.  To be honest, although the drop off on move-in day did make me cry (accompanied by the longest hug ever), I’ve only had the occasional sleepless night thinking of possible stresses and his anxiety during mid-terms.  I miss the daily routine of yelling at him to get out of bed, and then our regular 5-minute convo before school drop off  – (yes, he was spoiled with door to door service, more about why that became a “thing” later).

I have resisted the urge to text him every day, sometimes going even a couple days without.  My husband has picked up that slack though … turns out Dad is missing his boy a whole lot more than anticipated.   So technically I know what’s going on daily. Texts from me or his Dad can languish unanswered for days!  Apparently, a text sent from my son to either one of us counts as a text to both.  Hilarious the way he thinks… but he’s actually not far off.  I guess his dad and I have this team thing going pretty well.

I haven’t written much about the G and her transition from younger sibling to the only kid holding up the fort at home.  Although almost 5 years apart, and leading what on the surface are very separate lives – my boy and girl are incredibly close.  This is why our family vacations are precious – it’s the time when they are in their sibling bubble and they share laughs and experiences both with us and on their own.  With their differing school schedule this year, my heart is already hurting that those days are over for the next several years.

G has been dealing with her own shift as a teen moving into high school.  She is doing an amazing job, she’s got great friends and her marks are good… we are so pleased given her bouts of anxiety and her previous record of missing an average of 40-50 days of school a year for the last few (yes, a lot missed for “I don’t know why”). We’ve had her meet with counselors over the years, and she’s had wonderful elementary school teachers yet still, we were anxious about her transition.  So far so good – she appears to be keeping whatever stresses at bay such that she looks forward to school every day!   I have to believe that the stability of me being at home and not traveling across the pond 4 or 5 times a year is helping.

But how is she coping with missing her big brother?  For starters she’s raided his closet – she swims in anything of his as he’s a hulking XL at six foot 2, and she’s a slim XS ladies …but she’s in one of his hoodies, sweatshirts, flannel checked tops and even his Vans socks, every day!  She’s too lazy to text him a lot (self -admittedly) but he always responds whenever she sends him something.

My son needed his winter coat and boots, and my husband suggested that I take them up to him for a mother/son day.  We can feel the stress in his recent texts, things are a lot tougher for him than he thought they would be and we need to support him somehow.  University is such a big step, and we’ve been doing research about support services there … the specter of anxiety and depression is always there and we’re aware of some suicides that have taken place in some of the schools already.  Although my boy seems pretty well adjusted the stakes are really high for him this year.  We felt a visit would be good… and my husband was heading out for a work trip to Europe so we agreed I would go solo.

I asked G if she wanted to come with me but she decided to stay home until there was a better time for her.  She did give me a care package for me bring. She wrote out 25 slips of paper and put in a coin bank for him.  She included instructions that when he is stressed or needs a break, he just has to reach into the bank and follow the directions on the paper he pulls.  I don’t know what she included, but I suspect things like “have a chocolate bar” … “take a quick walk” were in the mix. I was happy to present it to him when I met him on Sunday.

When I got home after the long drive that night, I told her he liked it.  She said “I know” and showed me his text.

“Thanks for the present, G – it’s so nice.  I’ll use it,  I miss you lots.  I love you ”

Brother – sister love.  Can’t get better than this.

…So that beer was good – we slipped into the Firkin about 20 minutes before the concert and downed that Coors Lite (for me) and Guinness (for him) while watching a bit of the Maple Leafs game.  We then walked across the street, in the rain, to the perfect venue for us these days (note criteria – uptown, free parking, great acoustics and not a single bad seat in the house.  Oh, and our daughter has had her dance recitals here too – yass!)

So this midweek date night with a suburban couple attending a concert by a cool couple on their midweek gig night.  The talent was ridiculous, but the genuine respect as artists and love for each other at partners was what was really inspiring.  And how priceless it was when they encored with their version of Lovesong by the Cure.  The Cure – a band who featured prominently in the early days of our own relationship oh, yeah, like 30 years ago.

It was perfect.  I guess that’s why concerts are our thing.

So it’s date night on this 1st of November, and we are off to see a concert in our neck of the woods.  That’s right, a concert in the suburbs.  Given by two artists who defined Canadian music in the 1990s, who are beautiful people, who happen to be married.  The frontman for Our Lady Peace and the gorgeous chanteuse who could make you cry with her voice and the accompanying chords of the keyboard.

If they weren’t so talented they’d make me ill – but we’re mature adults so instead we’ve paid to see them in concert, a pulled back mature acoustic concert.

But first we’ll have a beer.

The last first day of elementary school for my little girl.  It was so uneventful that I forgot to take the obligatory first day of school picture.  Maybe it had something to do with the switching of vehicles so my husband could pick up the tub with my car, on his way home from work later.  Or that the boy was still asleep upstairs as he has his last first day of high school tomorrow.  Or that we had charged the little one (who is not so little now) with wrangling the littlest one, 13 pounds of Pesci, into the Dad vehicle for the car ride to school.  So we’ll have to fake it with a picture later tonight.  And another one tomorrow for when both are off to school.

Then there is me.  I bought myself a back to school present this Labour Day weekend:

There is a plan associated with this.  First of all, Macs rarely go on sale, so early happy birthday present to me.  I’ve also got to decide on what to do with the rest of my life, on temporary sabbatical but not really as I’m looking at opportunities that make sense professionally that won’t take me away from the family life as much as before.  It’s tough especially when ambition is part of my DNA.

I am keeping up with my network –  thank goodness for LINKEDin, which didn’t exist the last time I was off.  I can keep looped in on major goings on in industry and my peeps. Familiar and comfortable.

Do I take a course on creative writing?  I’ve thought about this off and on over the years. Rather intimidating as I don’t like to be criticized (a character flaw that I’m hoping self-awareness makes me a better person for…) and writing is all about being critiqued, isn’t it?

Do I start another blog – based on my guilty pleasures?  Like shopping? Fashion? So far removed from my professional life its rather astounding.  I started an instagram account as a fun experiment, seeing how many followers I can gather/ likes, etc… Nothing gets an extroverted introvert going like over 100 likes on an outfit photo.  My top hits are of me wearing almost 30 year old dungarees. Go figure.

Do I take fitness to another level and consider training to be an instructor?  Wrecking my knee this summer was not helpful ..

That made it on IG too.  The call of social media.

I do know that it is a more crucial year for the kidlets than ever before, and they’ve blossomed in a way they could not have if I hadn’t made the decision I did last year.  No regrets.

Just moving forward now.  With my new companion Space Grey Mac and work, whatever that will mean for us going forward.