Tuesdays are the day that I have my creative writing class through University of Toronto school of continuing studies. I did my undergraduate degree at U of T and I haven’t been in school since I did my MBA 13 years later, to get my mind off of not being able to get pregnant! Well the baby who accompanied me to my graduate convocation is now 24 years old, if that tells you how long it’s been! I told my daughter how stressed I am with homework and submissions on a deadline, so I can relate to her current experience away at university. She’s so sweet, telling me not to be too worried and wishing me luck.
I had a coach at work for the last year, and she asked me at one of our sessions when we talked about life goals, “If you were to do one thing, if you didn’t have to work, nothing else on your plate, nothing to worry about – what would you do? ” I replied, “I would write a book.” This is a bucket list thing for me, and about checking off one of my life goals. Whether I ever publish is another thing. But at least this is a bit of accountability (I said it out loud to someone, so now I have to do something about it).
It’s very convenient to be able to take these programs remotely online. The class is small, there are only 10 of us from across Canada. Our instructor is published author Marina Nemat who is just wonderful.
There seems to be a common theme in memoir or at least the submissions that we have shared with each other, and readings that we are given as examples of the craft. Most seem based on some sort of trauma, harrowing memories and it has come up as to whether memoirs are always about past pain and sad/horrible events. Memoirs aren’t autobiographies, they are meant to be based on memories, feelings and emotions. Very personal. Perhaps it’s not unusual then, since pain is so deeply sensed, physically and emotionally. There’s also a lot more creative writing involved than I had initially thought – it’s not random musings captured as stream of consciousness typing on the laptop, which I typically write in a blog post. Writing memoir is about making your reader feel and sense what you were going through at the time of your experience. It’s a lot harder than I thought!
But it has instilled in me a renewed love of creative writing, and it’s helpful that the subject matter is something I am expert in, ie Me. I’m already looking at the next course to learn more about creative writing in general, perhaps explore other genres.
So I ask you, is there anything that you would like to do that you haven’t yet done? If you didn’t have to work, didn’t have any other distractions, what would you do?
What books do I have currently borrowed from the library?
Heart on My Sleeve – Stories From a Life Well Worn – by Jeanne Beker
A memoir by a Canadian icon – I have admired her since her “New Music” days, watched as she established Fashion Television, interviewed supermodels and designers, globe trotting with her microphone. Making fashion approachable, which I just gobbled up. She was recently treated for breast cancer and has been very open with her journey. I am looking forward to this!
We Use to Live Here – Marcus Kliewer
A modern horror story, I heard about it on the radio. Another Canadian read I am looking forward to.
Conversations on Love – Natasha Lunn
Something different for me. It has great reviews on Goodreads and seems uplifting.
How I will get through these while blogging and writing it remains to be seen.
What is on your to be read list?
It all started with these girls:
I was obsessed the Go Go’s in high school, “Our Lips are Sealed” became an anthem of sorts for me. I was the first on the dance floor whenever they came on at school dances, at house parties. At the time I didn’t appreciate how punk they were. Naturally, I picked this t-shirt up when we went to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in Cleveland a couple of summers ago. If they ever tour up in Canada again I would love to see them, I have never seen them live. Belinda Carlisle is currently on a solo tour, but I need them all together.
I graduated to the Breeders in the early 90s, “Cannon Ball” and “Divine Hammer” . Instant classics for me.
Celebrating Canadian indie talent (yes, I bought the T shirts):
Tegan and Sarah – they had an acoustic tour this year up in my neck of the woods. Talented twins, hilarious and brilliant.
Metric – not technically a girl band, but headed up by the wonderful Emily Haines, such a distinct voice. I saw them live about 20 years ago. I wanted to see them in concert this past year, but affordable tickets were gone before I made it past the waiting area on Ticketmaster. Sigh.
Dear Rouge – also not technically a girl band, but a husband and wife duo. Drew and Danielle. My gosh, what an electric band live! They also came up to my area a couple of weeks ago. Things looking up in the burbs!
The future is bright for girl bands. Lately I’m loving the Beaches (Canadian girls from Toronto),
the Linda Lindas (Asian girl band from LA, they played with Green Day up here recently. I think the eldest band member is 20 years old. Wow.
And a new group on my playlist, Wet Leg.
Who are you listening to lately?
Saturday is usually a BodyJam day for me, the hip-hop dance workout that I’ve been enjoying for almost 20 years, and certified to teach until Covid shut it all down. There wasn’t enough interest after Covid, I was one of the 500 Goodlife employees laid off by email. No matter I still stalk my instructor friends at their classes, sometimes joining them on stage, but it is more fun to participate rather than have to review choreography all the time.
Today was a bit different from the ordinary. We were supposed to see Sarah McLachlan last night, but she postponed the Canadian leg of her Fumbling Towards Ecstasy tour last minute due to laryngitis. I was rather bummed about that, as we missed her when she came in the summer and the tickets were astronomically expensive for Budweiser stage. So when her fall US/Canada tour was announced I got right on Ticketmaster as soon as I could and scored pretty decent tickets at Casino Rama, 90 minutes just north of us. The important thing is her voice, so I hope the rescheduled dates work for us. To be honest, it worked out OK as I had a baby shower to attend downtown, so that saved a bit of running around first thing this morning.
1/ So the first thing I did was get dressed to go to a baby shower! What does one wear to a baby shower these days? I live in sweats and workout clothes but have tons of dresses and outfits in my closet that I never wear anymore. And heels? Don’t bother getting into those, even if I could still stand on them. I didn’t want to wear any work type outfits either, those that I had for the last few years whenever I went to local or head office.
This is what I ended up wearing; Moto-Little House on the Prairie vibes I know. It was comfy.
What a gorgeous presentation!
2/ Duolingo – I started practicing French in March in preparation for our May trip, and worked my way up to level 65 now, on a 214 day streak. I have a minor degree in French but it is so rusty as I got my degree over 30 years ago – gulp. It did come in handy for directions when we were in Nice, but I got lazy as most folks understood English. Nevertheless I hope to go back next year,
3/ Wordle – got it in 3. My stats aren’t too bad:
4/ Connections – got it.
5/ Like a dutiful Canadian, I’m watching the Leafs play the Blues, with our old man Cody. He turned 16 last weekend. He’s blind, a little deaf, has been fighting cancer for 2 years and getting more confused. But he’s our little sweetheart and sits here in his favourite spot:
It’s November. And it’s been a minute.
I just turned 59 last month. The year before THE year. My brother-in-law came up with that one, he’ll hit the six-oh 6 months ahead of me next year. My husband had a very low key birthday when he hit it – I offered to throw him a party like I did for his 40th. He loved that celebration. For 60 – no f*cking way was he going there.
Most of my classmates on Facebook have already experienced that milestone- another benefit of skipping a grade in elementary, when they still did that back in the day. Since then I’ve had a love-hate relationship my age. When I was 10 years old starting grade 7 (when everyone in my class was 12 ) – life was not so great. I was a tiny pipsqueak when everyone was going through puberty. I was reminded of that every day of my pre-pubescent life.
When I was in university, I didn’t feel so guilty about taking an extra year to graduate so that was a win. As was having kids later in life.
Nowadays I’ll be honest, it’s helpful. I feel like it’s cool to be in my 50s. I’m still able to feel youngish enough to hang out with girls in their 30s. I could be kidding myself, but they keep inviting me to events so I’ll take it. All the retro 80s bands are coming back onto the concert circuit so we’re going to gigs like we’re in our 20s again.
I’m on another work break. I had the perfect gig for the last 5 years – I felt I had hit the jackpot career wise. It was perhaps too good to be true so when it came to an end, I decided to take at least the summer off, maybe the rest of the year, before thinking of next steps. November is two months to the end of the year, and my life is going at a good pace. I have more time to see my mother (still my hero, going strong at 87); the big boy is on the precipice of leaving the nest permanently; the baby is away at school and hubby who is semi-retired, has a good routine. I go to the gym 5 days a week; I’ve lost weight and gained muscle. I’m not in a rush. I’m in the middle of a memoir writing course – and loving it.
So I’m signing up for NaBloPoMo to blog again. If you want to follow along check out San’s blog and sign up. I’m also reading more, and contemplating taking the writing thing to the next level.
Looking forward to catching up and meeting new bloggers!
“I worry about your Popo going out on her own. I’m glad she’s independent, but also relieved that with the pandemic she doesn’t venture out at all”
“I worry about you too, Mommy, you’re an Asian woman. It’s all so random.”
This is scary shit. I NEVER thought that the anti-Asian sentiment would be a “thing” for my daughter, for my kids to have to deal with, let alone it being arguably worse than when my parents and grandparents made their way into Canada. My kids have explored their Asian heritage for school – the Chinese Exclusion act is part of their Canadian history curriculum. They know of the head tax placed on their great grandfather; the reason for the somewhat fractured family dynamics. For me, micro-aggressions, schoolyard taunts, passive aggressive conversations, verbal slurs are one thing. The new normal in 2021 -random physical assaults and killings in broad daylight? This is civilized society?
It’s always there, you know. I grew up in assimilation mode, following the model established by my father – survival really. Be one with the every day Canadian white person. Don’t stick out, relish in the fact that you don’t have a Chinese accent – take it as a compliment when people call that out. Sometimes I would get the “You look mixed, actually, I can see it….”
I’m a banana – white on the inside, yellow on the out. The racist undertones. Through words, through actions. I am still yellow on the inside. You don’t say anything. You just deal and move on.
My husband made an assumption the other day, “You didn’t experience much racism growing up, did you?” To which I replied, “I haven’t mentioned it, but it doesn’t mean I haven’t felt it. And not just growing up, even in adulthood.” I love my husband, don’t get me wrong. He’s not racist at all. He’s just a white Canadian male. How could he understand or see it? We’ve been together 35 years- it was worth the conversation.
I suppose the fact that I would usually laugh at the “being Asian” jokes in conversation and in social media posts, make it seem like things have always been cool. And for the most part it hasn’t been a big deal. Nowadays, it really bothers me. I can’t look at it in the same way, it’s just not that funny anymore.
When I look back, I get a bit angry. Not huge events, but they niggle, like tiny cuts stung with saline. This is growing up in multi-cultural Canada.
-forced to miss recess regularly to talk to the new girl from China – I barely spoke Cantonese and she only Mandarin #resentfulawkwardness;
-being yelled at in a public washroom in Vancouver for taking locals’ jobs (I was a visiting tourist);
– on a European tour, being positioned in a group photo with the only other Asian in group – away from my white boyfriend (seriously ?);
-years ago at a global work event, being seated at the table for Asian countries – despite being the Canadian rep.
The NOW is a lot to process. What to do, what to say. I haven’t acknowledged any of the recent events on my social media accounts. A lifetime of being quiet about it doesn’t translate easily.
I pride myself with being a somewhat “lax” mom especially from a stereotypical “Asian” Mom perspective . Oh I’ve been nagging my teen daughter to no end to finish up her final course of last academic year by the deadline ( as a typical teenager why shouldn’t she wait until closer to the deadline?). But I don’t get on her back too much about time on the internet or playing games with her friends. How can I realistically do that, when all of her schooling is online, and there are limited options when we are now in sub zero temperatures with no where to go? Covid times. I know she watches videos and has Tik Tok, plays VR games, sees what other kids do with their hair shops online for cutesy things…I trust that she is staying safe and she scoffs at how naive I am to think that she lacks such sophistication in this area…
There seem to be fringe benefits though. At one point she stumbled upon something that she knows she can do.
The electric guitar. Wow. I didn’t see that one coming! I hid my inner excitement -I think it’s pretty cool …
… sure she did this before when “out of the blue” she wanted to try violin lessons. That sort of went nowhere fast. But at least it was something new, she did a few lessons but felt it wasn’t for her. We had a big talk and life lesson about sticking things out. But still it went nowhere.
Guess what? This guitar thing became THE perfect bargaining chip-the proverbial “dangling carrot”. You finish your course, we order the guitar (never mind that the hubs has been thinking about getting one for a while…) I have no shame when it comes to bribery. How often does a 16 yo get excited ? Well at least this once!
Exam was written this weekend, paper submitted and the instrument is now on order . As are more earplugs, just in case ( at least it’s not a drum kit)
First on the repertoire will be the Arctic Monkeys..
Stay tuned …
Well that’s a wrap for NaBloPoMo 2020. It lacked the intensity of a daily November grind, a softer, gentler approach from the mind of a wonderful blogger that I have “ known” for over a decade, Ms. Melisa. A big thank you to this lovely lady for her efforts and selflessness- for not only sharing out my stories but for providing linky love to some wonderful blogs and bloggers, more places to visit while we can’t physically really go many places. I cannot believe I have known Melisa for over a decade, but only met her that one time at the one and only BlogHer I attended (let’s admit-partied at) in 2009. The internet, for all of its scary possibilities, can also introduce you to a world of great possibilities. Like connections, goodness knows we need that nowadays.
I’m always on the fence about NaBlo… but never regret it. This spot on the internet helps me get away from the realities of this crazy time and gives me pause to think, and write about things. Things that are silly, ridiculous, sometimes sentimental and heartwarming ( because I know I will forget) … sometimes philosophical if my mind goes there but I may not go too far down that path. But best of all it’s the memories, and it’s an opportunity to introduce myself … to myself. Who I have been, where I’ve come from, and glimpses of who I may become.
Even though I now apparently qualify for extra savings as a senior ( wait- what?!-yes apparently the bar has been lowered into 50s)…I am still younger than the new VP elect of the US, and the President elect is only 5 years younger than my mother.
So yes, lots to be continued…see you in December.
At a time 
What I’m watching – Network TV
I grew up in a time when there were 3 major US TV networks, and fewer in Canada. Remember the Battle of the Network Stars? That was a major event for me! With all the choices today from regular cable/ satellite to all the streaming services, my head is just about exploding. Probably because of how much I’m probably spending for the services- Netflix, Apple TV, Disney Plus, Prime Video, yup I’ve got all of those. And I hesitate to give any of them up. The kids have grown up on them and I can’t decide which ones to drop.
Here’s a roundup of a few of my guilty pleasures from Network TV:
1/ The Golden Bachelorette
I watched the early Bachelor series way back when, and found myself watching Joey’s season earlier this year. Don’t even know why as I ended up getting sucked right back into the franchise, and I was hopeful to see the first Asian Bachelorette in history. That ended up being the worst, I felt bad for Jenn Tran, and I swore I would not watch anything to do with the series again.
But it’s insidious, the draw of these shows. Both my husband and I make a night of the Golden Bachlorette, watching Joan and her several suitors every week. It’s all fantasy and so unrealistic, but it does speak to how difficult it is to date/find love at an older age. The season is somewhat sad, not only dealing with loss of life partners through death and divorce; but also how lonely people can get once they’re in the 60s plus. It’s not as easy to make new friends let alone find romantic partners. The best part has been the friendship of the men – it’s refreshing to see genuine emotion and bonding amongst mature men, who aren’t so busy posturing with bravado. They are established and have nothing to prove, but want companionship more than anything else. There is a lot of kindness and grace on this show, at a time when we need plenty of it.
2/ High Potential
This is a great concept. A super intelligent woman who makes a living as a cleaning lady – she’s a single mom with a teen, an adolescent and a baby, who helps police solve crimes because she is always thinking and piecing things together. The acting is great, Kaitlin Olson is hilarious and story lines aren’t bad!
3/ Matlock
I’m old enough to remember the original series with Andy Griffith. This isn’t a reboot, but a new show that refers to the Matlock series, about an older lawyer (Kathy Bates) who gets a job at a law firm working as an intern. It’s rated 100% on Rotten Tomatoes. Some familiar faces, Beau Bridges, Jason Ritter, and a clever twist make this another show that I make sure to PVR. Yes, as if I have time to watch later. Maybe while I keep half an eye on my blog!
I’ll do a run down on shows I am streaming on a future post.
Any other network TV shows you’re watching that I should check out?