The art of the nag

The one thing I have always been conscious of since becoming a wife and mother, is the element of the nag.  It is always my intention that the first gentle reminder should suffice.  That when the reminder is for THAT said person’s benefit rather than my own, there would be sufficient sense of urgency on their part that I wouldn’t have to repeat said reminder – ad nauseum to the point where I risk making myself sick by sounding like a broken record.

Unfortunately I have experienced more than my fair share of bouts of nausea related to nagging. And I hate it.

Especially as a parent;  where is the motivation, the sense of urgency, the plan??  Am I just too accommodating, doing too much for the kids, should I let them go off and drop the ball so they come to their own senses?  It’s a catch 22;  we want them to succeed, we hope that they challenge and take things on themselves to get ahead in life.  Why isn’t the internal urge to act, to put things in motion, ingrained in the boy by now?  I’m continually chasing down, making arrangements, reminding him to get his act together, to get this plan of his going without me having to check up on him all the time?

When I was his age, my parents had no clue what I was taking in school, how much money I was making through my part-time work teaching piano, what I was having for lunch.  I had my own spending money, I made my own way around places with my friends, I brought home good grades and gave my parents no headaches.

Don’t get me wrong, my son has great character, is a sweetheart, kind human being who is generous with his spirit and good humor.  He’s a good boy – just seems he’s a lot of talk and only doing things for me, rather than for himself.  Where is his inner drive?

I ask myself whether my expectations are too high, but I’m pretty sure they’re not.  Get good grades, study, get some extracurricular activities in particular his Lifeguarding plans, under his belt, so he can get experience and make some money for himself. He only has to help me take the garbage out once a week – that is it for home. He has yet to complete half of his volunteer hours which could have easily been completed the last couple of years before his course load got tougher.  I pay for his phone.

There is freedom to make his own plans during the week, and go out with friends on weekends.  He tells me when he has tests and assignments and as far as I can see he is studying and doing homework.  I know that he is still developing and growing up, I just struggle with how best to help him without doing everything for him.  He is more than capable of doing this – I can even cite that his friends seem able to do things beyond just school.

It’s all rather frustrating.

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Lazy Saturday

Coffee, facebooking (a noun?), contemplating a workout, planning a UFC viewing get together, and a closeup shot of my dog, who is a bit stinky and in desperate need of a groom.

Because he is so cute.
That is all.

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Remembering

“Did my grandfather meet me, Mommy?”

“No unfortunately, sweetie, I knew your grandpa when I first started dating Daddy, but he passed before we got married.”

“Oh, that’s too bad, I was hoping I had met him.”

I proceeded to tell my daughter about her Grandpa, the one she had never met, the one who passed almost twenty years before she was born.  The man that I had only had a glimpse of before my relationship deepened with his son.  The man that I know I would have grown to love and admire for the qualities he instilled in the man I married.

“Your Grandpa was a sailor, he was in the Canadian navy, and I think he lied about his age to get into service.”

That’s what they did back then – to serve and protect their country.

My father-in-law served as a telegrapher during WWII, searching German submarines.  I am still in awe of that fact – especially that he did so when he was about 2 years older than his grandson is today.  I cannot fathom.

On this day, I remember all those who fought so bravely, and those who to this day, still serve to honour and protect the freedoms that we are fortunate to have in this country.

(Photo of the frigate that my father in law served on in the Royal Canadian Navy during the Battle of the Atlantic)

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The morning coffee habit

coffee

The day does not get started for me until I have my morning coffee.

Coffee has been a bit of a running joke in this household.  When we were living with my parents while waiting for our house to close, I was also off on maternity leave with our boy.  My husband, never the early riser, would come down in a rush and my mother noticed that I didn’t pour a coffee for him first thing.  She almost took personal offense to it when I told her he could and did, pour his own.  He laughingly told me I should listen to my mother.

Flash forward years later when I went back to work full time – certainly not pouring him coffee as I was busy packing up and organizing two kids for daycare and school drop offs, while getting ready myself, barely.  Despite desperately needing the coffee, I would rarely get to it, and as a coping mechanism my husband got me the huge-mongus thermal coffee mug pictured above.  This traveling mug keeps the coffee hot for at least 6 hours – it’s total amaze balls!  It became my right hand every morning for the last 6 years, accompanying me on my commute as well as to my  first morning meetings in the office.  I was rather known for the size of the mug, and its contents, especially teased by my colleagues who were European based (how could I drink so much “brown water” as they would call it).  I’m not a huge espresso fan, obviously.

Although I am no longer on a regular work schedule, every day after I drop the kids off, the coffee mug continues to be by my side.  I fill it up to take with me to the gym;  I take it with me on my walks with Cody; it’s even made the cut on weekends.

Remarkably it’s made my transition a little easier, a little piece of continuity.  The mug sits on the “More Time for Mom” calendar in the kitchen, rather than amongst  notes for signature at the office.  You can see the corner of arts/crafts supplies just behind, that my daughter still uses in the kitchen – slime never gets old.  I’ve even got my daughter pouring my coffee the odd time these days.

For me first, before her dad.  That’s a given.

 

 

 

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Mad world

It was quite unbelievable watching the unexpected, almost shocking, results of the US election unfold last night.  It all goes to show, polls are just that – surveys, not the final real deal.  What people tell you directly to your face may not necessarily reflect how they will ultimately  act when on their own casting their secret ballot.

I stayed up until just before 1 AM when it became clear that there was no way Hillary would be able to get the needed electoral votes.  I knew it was inevitable and felt that I should go to sleep while I could.

It was the first thing I heard on the radio; the first thing I read on my tablet, the only thing they covered on all the stations while I drove the kids to school.  It will be President Trump.

Unreal.

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This charming man-boy

My son has grown exponentially in the last few months, certainly physically, standing at almost six foot two, but also in his outlook and maturity to a certain extent.  We see glimpses of a mature young man, sprinkled with plenty of episodes of “d’oh, he’s still a kid” moments.  

Case in point – within a 24 hour period he managed to misplace two items that are critical to most teenagers.  One, a charger for his iPhone and two, his biology binder in which he had all of his notes for the year. We have come to the conclusion that microchipping his possessions might be worth considering. 

“Mom, have you seen my charger?” I found it in the backseat of my car where he had been sitting the night before.

“Oh man, Mom have you seen my biology notebook?! I swear I brought it home on Friday right after school, 150% positive” – as he turned his room, the dining room, the kitchen and the family room, upside down.  Sunday night at 7 PM, the night before his biology test.  “I can’t believe this, they are all my notes, everything from the beginning, this is sooooo bad.  I took it out of my backpack because it didn’t fit, but I was holding it on its own so I know I brought it home! Oh My Gawddd!”

I calmly helped him look over everything he had overturned, asking him to take a look again himself. “Are you absolutely sure you brought it home? I don’t remember you coming straight home after school…”

“Yeah, I did, I’m positive.  I did go to KFC, I went to the washroom and washed my hands…” I could see the gears going in his mind. “Maybe I left it at KFC!”  

I suggested he call them.  I overheard him on the phone, confirming the color of his book and his name.  He calmly got off the phone and gave me a calm smile.

“They have it.  I am so lucky.  I am so skilled, tracing my steps backwards. Can we go get it now?”  

“Yes I will drive you and you are lucky  – that I am driving you.  If I weren’t so relieved that you found it I would smack you”. He flashed me his smile again. 

So I drove him to KFC.  I watched as he came out of the restaurant, held up his binder and took a selfie at KFC. For snapchat of course.

“It totally wasn’t luck mom, it was skill.  I back tracked and figured it out CSI style. Ha!”

******

I took him to his third dental appointment within a week today, to get fitted for a bite guard now that his TMJ has become almost debilitating.  Poor boy’s jaw is almost always bruised.  Turns out his jaw is also growing unevenly, and his wisdom teeth are coming in earlier than expected.  Life is stressful for him with a tough course load, especially math continuing to be the bane of his existence. Don’t get me started on the state of the math education here these days.

After getting his molds done, he asked if we could check out the new H &M that just opened down the hall from the dental office.  He found a pair of pants and shirt that he assures me he will wear, because as noted, he continues to grow.  He told me he loves shopping with me, not just because I’m paying, but because I’m a good shopper and he likes my opinion.  As much or more than his friends!  We talked about him getting a part time job, his plans to get experience, working on a resume – more adult topics.

“Mom, when I’m rich and working I will take you shopping – I promise.” Sounds like a similar promise he made when he was around five year old.  I could almost imagine his voice at five saying those same words.  It touched my heart.

******

My husband and I sometimes look at pictures of our boy when he was little, and say that we miss those days.  But in the short time that I’ve been at home again, I’ve come to realize that this teenage stage is also to be treasured.  And how lucky am I right now to be able to enjoy all this in realtime. 

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Note to self: you’re not 20 anymore

It turns out that adding an additional physical activity such as  Thriller choreography for a flash mob, on top of regularly programmed workouts and Latin Ballroom lessons, can be hazardous to the health of a woman now officially in her 50s (gulp). Who should know better.

A combination of not wearing my new orthotics regularly, not stretching adequately, and forgetting that weight management has more to do with cutting back on how much I’m eating rather than how much harder I need to up my cardio game – has resulted in an annoying case of plantar fasciitis and a sore lower back. And overall sore body. I only know what plantar is because I had it eons ago when I was pregnant with the girlie.  Not like I’m a runner or anything.  I’m higher risk just because of my age, smack dab in the middle of 40-60. Lovely.

How unfortunate.   I love my workouts and I just don’t want to cut back on my faves.  I realize that they are super intense, (Combat, kee-yah!) but that’s the fun of it for me.

Working out hard gives me a certain high, makes me feel on top of the world.  I’m usually grinning ear to ear, drenched in sweat, beaming with exhilaration after every workout.  If lucky the feeling can be prolonged if I pop a couple of ibuprofen shortly thereafter.

I’ve also noticed that I recently developed a more than usual fascination with cosmetics.  I’ve worn foundation for the longest time, ever since I started getting cystic acne at the young age of 11.  I gave up on my stubby eyelashes long ago.  But I rediscovered by eyebrows a couple of years ago.  I’ve even gone to one of the top brow bars in the city – thank goodness I hadn’t plucked them totally away, although Cara Delevingne I will never be.  No miracles though.  Contouring, new blushes, better foundation brushes, state of the art mascara brushes,  K Beauty masks … They all beckon with increasing allure, the older I get.

What the heck is happening?  Aging happens and I suppose I’m annoyed with it.

I don’t mean to complain, overall I’m in pretty good health.  I had all the tests that you should have at 50 when I was first off : mammogram – check; colonoscopy – check; bone mineral density – check (which apparently is in good shape because of the gym habit, a good thing). It still sucks, though, to wake up sore not because I was head banging the night before; but because I was sleeping.

So what is an aging girl to do?  Continue hobbling to Sephora while I still can, I guess. And only if I force myself – after all, nowadays it’s often cheaper and easier to do all the online shopping I want from the comfort of my couch.

Sigh.

 

 

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30 years and the ride continues

I watched the MTV Euro awards tonight, and was surprised that I enjoyed it.  The last couple of years I haven’t thought much of the music awards shows.  Perhaps it’s that I don’t enjoy most of the music (and I use that term loosely for some of the acts these days).

But tonight’s broadcast of a show that was obviously recorded earlier in Rotterdam, Netherlands, was full of great live performances, super Canadian content (you gotta love that Best Male category was represented by mostly Canadian boys, Shawn Mendes, Justin Bieber, Drake, the Weeknd)…with both Shawn and the Weeknd winning tonight.

The highlight for me was Green Day. They are back with a vengeance after a 4 year break. We actually went to their concert in Toronto on their last tour, hard to believe that it was four years ago, and to be honest we found their performance a tad disappointing. Shortly after that, Billie Joe went into rehab, so that explained things a bit. The boys aren’t getting any younger either.

Green Day were recipients of the MTV Global Icon award this year, celebrating their band who has stayed relevant all these years, likely the one remaining punk band. Their performance on the Tonight show a couple of weeks back, as well as the one tonight, showcased their classic style. I loved when they closed the show with American Idiot.

In Billie Joe’s acceptance speech, he mentioned that they are still in the same high school band, going almost 30 years and the ride continues. It made me think that I’ve been with my guy 30 years and our ride also continues. The album Dookie came out in our first year of marriage and we played it a lot that first year. They’ve managed to maintain their cool, despite becoming married people with kids.

I’d like to think that we’re also doing the same. If they come back to TO, I think it might be worth another shot to see them again.

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The Weekend 

My favourite things about the weekend:

1.  I can drink.  Alcohol.  My husband and I recently decided that we are getting older and heavier and a lot may have to do with the amount of alcohol we had been consuming regularly.  So we have cut back to only drinking on the weekend now.  Never mind that we are going through a dozen bottles in two days, it’s the principle, people!  (Just kidding of course, I would be sleeping most of the weekend away if that were the case, and what kind of example is that for the kids, sheesh!)

2.  To combat the extra calories due to food and drink, every Saturday morning I hit the gym for my absolute fave workout.  BodyJam 78. Club hard.  Face Melt.  How can you not love that?

When I work it hard, I can probably burn upwards of 500 calories in 55 minutes.  Not bad!  I had the opportunity to train to be a certified instructor last year, but realistically wasn’t sure I had the time to be committed to a regular class.  So I chose to celebrate my 50th birthday rather than spending a whole weekend working out with crippling intensity with a gym full of twenty-somethings.  An easy decision when you think about it.

I am keeping an eye open for the next training opportunity though, in case it comes our way again, you know, before I break something.

3. BodyJam also provides me the opportunity to dress younger than my kids – whoo-hoo!

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These drop crotch joggers are awesome.  Drop crotch – haven’t worn this style since never.  Nice and loose down there, it sure beats wearing a thong to the gym every time.

4. And just because I love this new song, here’s the Weeknd:

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Must see TV

When I was a kid the highlight of my week would be the arrival of  Starweek magazine, the weekend insert of our local Toronto Star paper. I lived to catch up on entertainment news  and shows.  The fall preview issue was almost an event to mark on the calendar.  I could have used more of a life, I know.

Today there are so many shows, so many options with streaming, cable, network TV, most of which we didn’t have much time to enjoy when the kids were younger.  Our television was hijacked by our kids with the Disney channel, teletoon and YTV.  When it came time for some R & R in the evenings, I would only have time for the nightly news, one prime time show (Parenthood was my fave) and the occasional Tonight show if I pried my eyes open after passing out on the couch.  Over the holidays, I binge watched all seasons of House of Cards, Grace and Frankie, Master of None.  And reality TV?   Drive by viewings of the Voice, Married at First Sight, Bachelorette …There are only so many hours in the day.

This season, for the first time in a long time, there are shows on network TV that have me hooked.  “This is Us” is number one, with “Designated Survivor” not a bad second.

And hello, there is really great Canadian TV  both in the drama category and comedy on CBC:

“This Life” – great acting, and it makes me cry every week.  More tears than for This is Us, not kidding.

image“Kim’s Convenience” – A comedy about Korean and Canadian culture that is actually funny (” Fresh off the boat”please take note).image(Images courtesy CBC.ca)

Other Canadian content that has weirdly got my attention?  Reality?  Bachelorette Canada – I don’t really know why … (I’m on team Mikhel…)

I also caught Married at First Sight, for what will likely be the last time as it wasn’t a great season – despite the fact that I could engage via Twitter with the couples themselves.  The novelty was not enough.

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There’s still time for some intelligent TV, via Anthony Bourdain’s Parts Unknown and “This is Life” with Lisa Ling on CNN. Watch on a full stomach and with an open mind.

The television show(s) I would like cancelled?  I’d say the US election coverage, which alternates between a comedy and a horror show, and a dash bad reality TV a la Jerry Springer… Just too painful and ridiculous to watch.

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